Thank you for your kind words and support over the past couple of weeks. I’ve spent many hours with a heavy heart, crying tears of sadness, reflecting on death and the ones I love. I know I’m not the only one who has fleeting moments of terror, scared or unsure of what happens after we leave our bodies behind, but I continue to find peace knowing that our lives are not forgotten after death; they are celebrated and cherished. Much like my uncle’s this past weekend. The services were beautiful and personal and sincere.
I’ve been gone from the blog because didn’t known what to say. I was in a dark place that needed tendering and time to reflect. I didn’t know how to pull myself up or let in the light. But then something wonderful happened last night.
A friend invited me to try a zumba class with her. I had no idea what to expect, but as soon as the loud hip hop music started, the instructor started dancing and jumping and hootin’ and hollerin’ all over the place. With a real zest for life. I had no idea how to follow the unpredictable dance moments, so I just started flailing my arms and legs to the music. I shook what my mama gave me and swirled around and noticed that everyone else was being just as silly and uncoordinated as me. And ya know what? I had fun.
I laughed the entire class. I laughed when I spun the wrong direction, I laughed when I caught an embarrassing glimpse of myself in the mirror, I laughed when I couldn’t follow the footwork and jumped around like I was on hot coals. And it felt so good to let go, and finally let in the light.
I realized in those 60 minutes that, though it was necessary and valuable for me to grieve and be scared and cry, life is precious and meant to be enjoyed, and sometimes, get a little silly. It’s important to learn to let go, while hanging on to the loving memories.
I have a whole shlew of wonderful things ahead in 2012 and there’s so much to look forward to. Thank you for sticking with me these past weeks. You guys are great.